Too soon to tell...

It’s a grotesque life.
How can I not be grouchy all the time? There are several reasons. They maybe proper, or just vaguely grim. But all I can be is ‘grumpy’.

And I can’t even help it. Cause every time I try to cheer up my mind, life just snaps back and says,”hold! There’s a place for these earthly material happiness. And you’re just a misfit! Trying to glide into the world of normals ain’t your cup of tea”.

So what do I do now? Should I just slip out like a speck of air? Or should I let life take my trip for the entire being of life? A life which has no meaning; a life which has no strength; a life so basely vague; a life, not worth being on the dance floor of life and , well, breaking a leg!

What do we want out of life? What do we really get? Why do a few mistakes make someone so despicable that it’s beyond others to forget? Is a little mistake so big a crime, that without thinking twice, they just abandon a person, and wish for them to die? Is it life who’s cruel? Or is it just us? Is it our way of thinking? Or is it just a passing phase? What is it? What could it be? Our entire life goes on, just looking for these unanswered questions. And by the time we realize that our questions will remain unanswered, it’s too late. We watch from another world, our bodies being taken away.

What do I do? How do I survive? When will our prayers be answered? Is there anyone listening? For real? I guess, that’s another question, which will forever be unanswered. But I will fight on. Try to fit in. Make my place amongst the other misfits. And I have faith. I will be content some day.

Too soon to tell, but too much faith to hang on...

An evening by your side...

Sitting by the balcony, with my head on your shoulder,
I'd sit and smile, and with you I'd wonder...
I wouldn't talk about a single worry,
wouldn't drop a single tear,
with you, I'd have nothing to fear.

I'd silently feel the cool breeze blowing in my face,
tossing and turning, making my hair unkempt.

Life would seem much more simpler than ever;
I'd know that there would always be a shoulder I could lean on to,
go back and forth, to our past and our future..

Maybe after a while when we were tired of our silent conversation,
we'd talk about the past and share a hearty laugh...
How we acted when we were young,
how we flew balloons in the sky,
how just a single bottle of Cola sufficed our thirst,
how we discussed those several ways to fly high!


"The days that are gone, could never come back", they say,
but we'll prove them wrong!
Once again we'd buy balloons,
once again we'd have a mid-night snack,
once again we'd empty our pockets to catch the early morning show.
Once again it would be "Us",
the two individuals, we could never let go.

Sitting by the balcony,
resting my head on your shoulder;
"could we ever change?"
Together we'd wonder.

The longest Journey is the Way Back Home

The very thought of going back home to your family does wonders!
My heart and my mind are dancing with joy...
Familiar grounds, familiar people, familiar town, familiar smiles,
My hometown, My Calcutta, My City of Joy...

Here I come.

120 days without you, Oh! How tough it's been...
I cannot believe how the tiniest things have been mattering to me.
The smell of home, the streets filled with lights,
little kids running around, what a delight!
Little groups of teenagers, hanging out for 'chai',
the older generation, taking walks around Maddox square.

The rustling sound of trams, and the honking cars...
'Maruti', the universal name for all four-wheeled automobiles.
Victoria romances and Nicco Park adventure,
South City's cram jam and endless days of wonder.

When will I be home again?
Why is the journey back home so long?
When will I get to see them,
See my wonderful days that passed by like thunder?

Every time i think of the plane hitting the ground, my heart skips a beat,
I cannot help but wonder, how have my folks been?
Time doesn't seem to pass by quick,
I wait and wait, and I get no sleep,
Sleepless night awaits, but I am in a dream.
A dream where I am already home,
Sitting by my Mom... Sitting and waiting for her to look at me,
for her to turn around.
It is a pleasant dream, which often turns to nightmare...
when will I be home? When will my mother turn around?
My heart seeks again and again for the warmth of a joyous abode.

Max Mueller Phuchka wala, neighbour wali aunty,
thousands of secrets to share with my bestest friend,
home-cooked food, television to no end...
Waiting to be back home, just sitting and waiting for the night to end.
What will I do when i step inside the door?
How will I react when I see my family?
Will my eyes weep with tears of joy?
Or will they witness something more divine?

Time seems to have siezed, as if my life was themed with Carpe-diem,
I can't wait any more to be home,
I can't wait longer to get back all the love, care, and the happiness syndrome.

It's true, the longest journey, is the way back home.

Raindrops on my Fingertips!

Excited as I was, when i came out of the candy shop,

i hopped on to the metro.

Had music plugged into my ears,

i couldn't hear a thing of the surrounding.

I was lost in my world,

all I could think of was, I, Myself and Me.

It was time to get back home

I got off the train and stepped outside.

What did I see?

It was pouring down heavily!

My heart jumped with joy,

I did a somersault in my mind...

I put my hand out to feel the chilly raindrops,

Not being able to stop myself,

I ran out!

Hands spread out,

head held high,

I could feel the water drops on my face.

Cutting the wind sharply,

rain pouring over me.

Childhood is not a phase,

I thought to myself.

Childhood remains forever within,

peeping out once in a while,

helping us reminisce the days that have gone by.

Raindrops on my fingertips,

chilly water drops on my face.

I'll never forget these wonderful days,

the days I go back to my childish past!

Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum

"Starry starry night"s and flying hearts,

moving buses and honking cars.

Droplets of rain and foggy foggy roads,

freezing winters and romance galore!

"He loves me, he loves me not"s

hot brownie fudge,

Lemonades and cherry tops,

brain-freezers and shots!

Crackles and puzzles,

puddings and strewdles,

Custards and muffins

and strawberry oodles!

Quacking ducks,

and groaning toads,

to tell a tale and sell a tale,

tete-a-tete, and more.

Rockstars and Superstars,

Starstruck again,

Know-Ye-Not, Know-Ye-Not,

how to end the game.

Each Peach Play Plum !

My fingers fell on the strings of a guitar,

and a musical journey began.

I had a new friend,

my best-est friend,

one who was an angel in disguise.

She brought me fame, and love and power,

then confidence followed soon after.

She walked with me, gave me company,

was with me along life's narrow ways.

I knew I could always turn to her,

share my sorrows and dismays.

 She's a friend who brings out the best in me,

she is a friend to who i can show my immaturity,

she is a friend for life long,

she is my guitar, christened, Valerie!

As sweet as her name sounds to the ear,

so does she herself,

the musical journey that she has made possible to me,

I cannot be thankful for it, even if I had an eternity.

Blessed are those,

who understand the importance of music in life.

Blessed are those who do not understand it,

and do not miss it,

but unfortunate are those who know what they are missing,

because they know they would have enjoyed it.

Music is the blessing of my life,

Valerie is the gift in it,

the Journey is a necessity for my life,

and I am traveling it with fondness, love and matured immaturity.

She...an image I see.

 She peeped out the bathroom door,

and came out of the shower, smelling of fresh lavender.

She waltzed to her room,

took the towel off her head,

and she started to dry her hair.

What beautiful long black locks of hair she had...Oh!

...her dusky complexion fairly complementing them.

She sat in front of the mirror, looking at herself,

at the several expressions she had worn on her face.

She took out a stunning black dress,

she put it on to try it out.
"Will I look good in this?" she thought.

As one thought lead to another,

she was trapped amidst a chain of thoughts.

She entered a different world of her own,

a world she built readily...

A world where she was happy to be,

happier than presently.

She wore a smile,

that could steal a million hearts,

but modesty dripping off her face.

 Who was she?

Just another girl,

one, who lives in all our hearts.

We love to be pretty, but we often forget simplicity,

the most important asset of all.

The girl, she lives inside all of us,

all we need to do is to find her...

preserve her,

nurture her,

and let her imaginations run free.

Shaking my head...

Today is: Just. Not. The. Day.

I thought there'd be so much to write.

In fact, there was a lot going on, on my mind.

Yet, here I am,

sitting with a writer's block,

knowing not, what else to write.

Shaking my head from left to right,

in disbelief,

i have nothing to say!

Started 3 new posts, could not complete either,

irking feelings creep in slowly.

It feels as if death were near,

crawling, literally, slowly, but surely,

and quite clumsily, I must say.

What am I to do now?

What do I say?

Am I creative enough to go on talking about nothing,

yet go on filling a whole blank page?

Or am I daring enough,

to just post online, my total randomness?

Shaking my head, from left to right,

undefined actions I have, i realise.

Clueless I am, as always, 

as you can see,

yet here I am just scribbling away,

nothing but thoughts that are plain empty.

I feel like I'm sleeping, but wide awake,

my eyes seem to be, to me,

and simple words I use,

feels now like over simplicity.

I like over simplicity,

I love acts of total randomness,

I don't think there's anything weird about it,

it's just plain and simple madness.

So, I shake my head and say,

"let's forget the qualms and pains of today,

instead, feel the happiness around,

tomorrow will be a brand new day."

At last I made some sense,

in the end!

Maturing...with Time.

People say,

"Home is where the heart is".

Calcutta! Oh! My city of Joy...you have held my heart for too long.

And I do not blame you.
You were, are, and will always be,

my FAVORITE city in the whole wide world.

You are my home, my first love,

and shall forever be!

About three months ago,

I had moved into a new city.
Places, people, everything was unknown.

Yes, it's my country.

Yes, its my people.

Yet everything seemed so distant,

as distant as the lands untraveled by man.

Culture, food, language

nothing made me feel like it was "home, away from home".

Although I had good friends.
Made plenty of new ones.

Adjusted in a slow pace,

but hardly ever complained.

Missed my family back home every single day.

Ever since my parents dropped me here,

there's hardly been a day when I haven't missed them.

Can't remember one single week which i passed without crying.

But I'm lucky, I had my friends beside.

Food sucked. But now I am used to that too.

Although now I think it's been too much.

Adjusting to everything is boring too.

I feel I need new drama,

some action,

an end to too much boredom.

Simplicity would not spice up my life.
Yes, I AM trying hard to stay involved, but there is a limit to how much I can try.

I will not give up.
I need to carry on...for me, my parents, my entire family back home.
I need to make them proud.
Today I promise, I will try and move on...

Not from my parents,

not from my brothers and sisters,

not from my childhood friends,

Oh no...not at all!
I will move on from "trying" to be strong.
I am an independent individual.
I will move on from the weaknesses which tie me down.
I will be courageous and headstrong.

I am a woman.
A strong independent woman.
I will work hard for my loved ones.
I will be strong.

Tears help none...I shall only smile.

I know it within me,

I will be strong.

My FIRST Blog Post

 

When I had first thought of taking up English as a core subject in my Bachelors degree,
I was more prone towards writing journals.
I wrote to myself, exclusively FOR myself.
"Scribbling", if I may call it so, was the best time I gave "Me".
3 months back, circumstances changed,
almost at a go...
The world around me turned its tables and made me think hard,
"is it enough?", the little voice inside me asked.
Soon, I started running out of answers.
Explanations weren't good enough.
Who was I kidding?
I needed to do something more,
something realistic,

something that I could show the world,
share my thoughts, and my dreams.

So here is an attempt to share my views and experience,
with the known, and the unknown in my life...
Here's my step towards a little more of hard work and perseverance.
I'll do my best, I'll try.